Reflection

The Christmas period is a time were we join with family and friends to celebrate being loved, happy and together. But it is also a time were we can reflect back on the year about to pass.

For those of you that know me well you have already witnessed that this has been a tough year for me. I’ve lost love, friendships, family members, jobs, houses and myself. What started out as a year of love, hope and happiness quickly turned into months of endless tears, stress, drunken nights and meltdowns. However, it would be incorrect of me to say that the year is ending in a negative way, because it isn’t. I’ve learnt a lot of lessons this year, about others but more importantly about myself, and with a change of perspective and endless amounts of support I feel more positive about the New Year than any year before.

I am going into the New Year knowing that:

1. I have the best family ever.

My family have been the most supportive people around me. I have needed them like never before and they haven’t let me down. Their support has stretched far beyond the moon and back ranging from finanical help to holding me when I broke down. I would not be here today if it wasnt for my family. They have gotten me through some of the darkest times I’ve ever experiences just by being them. I love my family more than anything in the world and appreciate their love and support more than they will ever know. I am one lucky girl to have them in my life.

2. I have all the people around me that I want in my life.

I am a person who takes family and friendship very seriously…I like to have a close circle of family and friends with whom I can entrust my life. I like and expect these people to keep confidences and be loyal because that is what I give to them. But I’ve realised that not everybody views such bonds the same as me.

For someone who didn’t have many friends through her child-teen years I can now see that I often hold friendships a little too tightly. When other people want to join in the circle I become jealous and, at a fear for myself, I push my friends away. I’ve also noticed this year that not everyone who classes themselves as a friend truly means it; I’ve witnessed people betraying my confidence, spreading rumours and manipulating me. I’ve seen friends change and grow for the better and I’ve seen friends show their true colours.

Several friendships have broken this year, some through no fault of my own but others because I’ve pushed them away. It is true when they say ‘you find out who your real friends are when you go through a bad patch.’ But in taking a long hard look at my friends I’ve decided I don’t need or want certain people in my life anymore.

I don’t want to be friends with the person who lies, who uses me to mock and laugh at. I don’t want to be friends with the person who takes me for granted or the person who spreads rumours. And I most certainly do not want to be friends with the person whose selfishness and spitefullness recently caused pain to my family, her family and myself.

Even after such a tough year I still believe that friendship is important…even more so now. Moving forward I know that I now have, not so much a circle of true friends but more like a doughnut. The jam on the inside of the doughnut are those who I class as my dearest friends, the ones who are there throughout anything, the ones who aren’t afraid to kick me up the bum when I need it, but most importantly these people are the kind of friends that I would be lost without. You are small in number but are so important to me and I am so blessed to have you in my life.

And to those friends who make me smile and laugh and make each day that little bit easier to get through, I am thrilled to have you as my yummy doughnut.

Everyone deserves a second chance in my eyes but for those of who will not be moving forward with me good luck in your lives but good riddance!!!!

3. Don’t know who I am.

On the one hand being completely lost is a terrifying thing, but on the other it is mega exciting. I feel that I’ve lived¬† my life as a person who was in the shadow of others and as someone who defined themself as others wanted me to be.¬† Well not anymore people!! In not knowing who I am I know I have so much to learn and so much to experience. I have made a plan to do as much as I can next year…I am going to finally live out some of my longest dreams, and I am also going to tackle new experiences. I know I need to find myself and I’m expecting the bumps in the road, but I’ve changed my perspective and am going to take on this adventure regardless of outside opinions and the possibility that things may go wrong. Here is to a year full of adventure, excitement, journeys, new beginnings and lessons – I cannot wait to get started!

4. Am without a Romeo.

I’ve left this one till last because this is the one were things are still a little raw. I split from someone this year; the person who I believed with my whole heart was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was devastated and our break-up turned my whole world upside down. Together, we had plans made for next year and to face a future without him broke my heart more than I could ever have imagined. But….I’ve learnt that not everything works out as we may want and am trying to focus on possible positives that this split could bring.

I’ve been taught a lot about men and about love over the last year…my opinions on certain things have changed and my thoughts about the possibility of a future relationship have changed for the better. Men are complicated creatures and I’ve learnt that they do not view love, feelings and emotions in the same way that women do. This may be something I should have known from birth but in knowing this now I feel that I can move forward. The downside to knowing that men are more relaxed when it comes to the ‘l’ word is the worry that they don’t feel for you as much as you feel for them.

However, with everything that has happened this year I have decided to allow myself time to properly heal. This doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore the charms from guys, if they want to buy me a drink they can buy me a drink, but what it does mean is that I’m holding off on a relationship until I feel the time, and the person is right. I don’t know whether anyone will ever be able to fill the massive hole that is currently in my heart but I do know that I am not going to be afraid of loving again, if the right person comes along.

I want to get to the place were I am so happy and comfortable within myself and my life so that if the time is right, letting a guy back into my life with add to the happiness, not give it.

I could have ended this year as miserable as I’ve been over the past few months but through faith, the support of my family and my dearest friends; the tough lessons learnt and the possibilities 2013 will bring, I feel positive and safe. I am moving forward with the right people in my life, I am moving forward with the best lessons learnt, I am moving forward with the aim to explore who I am but most of all I AM MOVING FORWARD!!!!
To my family and friends..thank you so much for everything you have done for me this year…..I could not have gotten through without you all!!!

To that guy……….thank you for loving me for as long as you did – I truly believe our love was real and I will never forget you.

I wish each and everyone of you, around me, and reading this blog, a very HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope and pray that you all have the best year of your lives.

Here’s to MOVING FORWARD!!

xOx

Advertisements
Published in: on December 31, 2012 at 1:56 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , ,

Merry Christmas To All

Thought I’d share with you all a faaaabulous Christmas display I saw yesterday – this store created a Christmas Wonderland with the theme of London running throughout – here are some of my favourite parts……

IMG-20121224-00160

IMG-20121224-00161

IMG-20121224-00162

IMG-20121224-00163

IMG-20121224-00167

IMG-20121224-00166

IMG-20121224-00169

Merry Christmas Everyone xOx

Published in: on December 25, 2012 at 8:36 am  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , ,

A few things…..

……I love about Christmas:

IMG-20121223-00150

**Being with family and friends**

IMG-20121223-00155
**Chocolate and lotssss of it**

IMG-20121223-00152

**My Mum’s homemade Christmas Card Tree**

IMG-20121129-00074

**Coffee (decaf of course) and a Christmasy Hot Choc – this one is a (dare I say it) Costa (sorry Starbucks) Toffee/Caramel Hot chocolate – deeelicious**

IMG-20121223-00149

**We loveeee Shloer in our family**

IMG-20121220-00130

**You know it’s Christmas when ‘Holidays are coming’**

IMG-20121214-00102

**Pantos, Plays and Uh-Maze-Balls Shows (Congratulations again Centre Stage)**

IMG-20121223-00153

**Christmas decs – Mum made an awesome bauble display across her windows this year – very festive**

IMG-20121223-00148

**A good cuppa (decafe sob) and satsumas – yum**

IMG-20121223-00158

**The Christmas/Nativity Story**

xOx

Published in: on December 23, 2012 at 10:07 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , ,

It’s been a while

There have been a few personal things going on over the past few months unfortunately meaning I haven’t been able to blog a proper, vocal, blog in AGES =o( So whilst I get a back-log of blog posts going I’m going to keep updating my blog with some Christmasy things.

Keep an eye out this week for my Festive-Treats blog.

Looking forward to speaking to you all very soon.

xOx

 

 

Published in: on December 4, 2012 at 9:39 pm  Leave a Comment