Turning Tables

Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we’re fighting for
All that I say, you always say more

I can’t keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can’t breathe

I won’t let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won’t ask you, you to just desert me
I can’t give you what you think you gave me
It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables

Under haunted skies I see
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I’ve braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no, I will never be knocked down

Next time I’ll be braver,
I’ll be my own savior
When the thumb that cost me
Next time I’ll be braver,
I’ll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

xOx
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Published in: on October 15, 2012 at 5:37 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Let It Go

Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
‘Cause it’s out of my control
Let it go
Let it go
Don’t have to have it all
Grips so tight it shatters
Only thing that matters
Only got one life
Heaven knows
What I’m stressing for
Let it go
~ Will Young

It’s time xOx

Published in: on October 14, 2012 at 12:13 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments; love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.

O no it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand’ring bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.

Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

William Shakespeare

He just knew didn’t he?!!!! xOx

Published in: on September 14, 2012 at 5:20 pm  Leave a Comment  
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I bruise easily

My skin is like a map
Of where my heart has been
And I cant hide the marks
Its not a negative thing
So I let down my guard
Drop my defences down by my clothes
I’m learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily
So be gentle when you handle me
Theres a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Can’t scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I found your fingerprints
On a glass of wine
Do you know you’re leaving them
All over this heart of mine too
But if I never take this leap of faith
I’ll never know
So im learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

Anyone who can touch you
Can hurt you or heal you
Anyone who can reach you
Can love you or leave you

Published in: on September 11, 2012 at 8:07 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Wide Awake

I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
How did I read the stars so wrong

And now it’s clear to me
That everything you see
Ain’t always what it seems
I was dreaming for so long

I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn’t dive in
Wouldn’t bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
Till I woke up on
On the concrete

Falling from cloud 9
Crashing from the high
I’m letting go tonight

Not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece
And landed on my feet
Need nothing to complete myself 

Yeah, I am born again 
Outta the lion’s den
I don’t have to pretend
And it’s too late
The story’s over now, the end

Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling
I am trying to hold on
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side
But I’m not blind anymore

I’m wide awake

xOx
Published in: on September 2, 2012 at 8:57 pm  Comments (1)  
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Try it on my own

I’m wiser now
I’m not the foolish girl you used to know
So long ago
I’m stronger now
I’ve learned from my mistakes which way to go
And I should know
I put myself aside to do it in your way
But now I need to do it all alone

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don’t care if I’m right or wrong
I’ll live my life the way I feel no matter what I’ll keep it real
You know
Time for me to do it on my own

It’s over now
I can’t go back to living through your eyes
To many lies
And if you don’t know by now
I can’t go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had the chance to do things my way
So now it’s time for me to take control

I start again go back to one
I’m running things in my way
Cant stop me now I’ve just begun
Don’t even think about
It there aint no way about it
I’m taking names go down the line
Yes I’m gonna take my turn
It’s time for me to
Finally stand alone
Stand alone
Whitney Houston

You know what? I’m not afraid anymore….Look out world…I’m on my way!!!!
xOx

Published in: on August 28, 2012 at 9:00 pm  Leave a Comment  
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On with the show….

Empty spaces
What are we living for?
Abandoned places
I guess we know the score
On and on
Does anybody know what we are looking for

Another hero
Another mindless crime
Behind the curtain
In the Pantomime
Hold the line
Does anybody want to take it anymore

The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on

Whatever happens
I’ll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on
Does anybody know what we are living for?

I guess I’m learning
I must be warmer now
I’ll soon be turning
Round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I’m aching to be free

The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on

My soul is painted
Like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday
Will grow but never die
I can fly my friends

The show must go on
The show must go on
I’ll face it with a grin
I’m never giving in
On with the show

I’ll top the bill I’ll overkill
I Have to find the will to carry on
On with the show
On with the show
The show must go on…

I couldn’t have put it better myself!! xOx

Published in: on August 11, 2012 at 9:34 am  Leave a Comment  
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A short poem

“I wrote your name in the sand
but the waves washed it away.

Then I wrote it in the sky
but the wind blew it away.

So I wrote it in my heart
and that’s where it will stay.”

Author unknown. August 2012.

Published in: on August 1, 2012 at 7:55 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Lost

I’m feeling a little lost this week, like I’ve stepped out of my own bed but walked into the wrong life. I seem to be straying from my comfortable and happy path of life and I’m not completely sure as to how or why this has happened.

So I turned to research for some advice….big mistake.

Each post was written by different people with different life experiences: there where doctors, psychologists,  buddhist teachers and normal people who have gone through difficult situations. Yet the differences between each person didn’t account for the fact that each post shared one single point:

In order to find your way you have to change who you are as a person!!

At first I thought, yes ok that could make sense….I’m feeling lost because I need to change who I am.  If I was change who I am and how I acted then my life would be happier and I would be on the ‘correct path’ right?

Wrong.

I have studied psychology, I have studied counselling but as a normal person who seeks to be back on my path, I have realised that posts like the above mentioned are a waste of my time. I do believe that every person should be aware of how themselves and their words and actions can effect those that are around them and I would definitely class myself as a person who has a high level of self awareness…I’m always apologising for things that aren’t even my fault.

But being aware of myself isn’t helping me find my way back to my happy place. 

There are short-term solutions: wine, cigarettes, crying, binge-eating….but none of these push me back in the right direction. I can’t explain why I feel so lost, so emotional; I cannot explain why everything is so much more difficult to deal with this week, but I do know that I can start finding my way back by reminding myself of the awesome feeling of love. 

So tomorrow I am going to start my day with a Bible reading, a kiss from my fiance and a great cup of coffee. I am going to listen to music and read books. I am going to eat good, healthy food and drink lots of water. I am going to enjoy every conversation I have with my fiance, family and friends. And once the day has ended I am going to say thank you that I have had a day experiencing love. 

I know that once I stop focussing on why I feel lost and start enjoying that which I love…I will find my way, as the person I am, back to the place that I long to be.

I’m starting to feel better already =D

xOx

Published in: on March 21, 2012 at 9:14 pm  Comments (2)  
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A poem….

The Forbidden.

The pursument of a heart’s
Perilous desires
Is the entrapment and
Damnation of a soul
And its counterpart
To the depths far beyond
The torturous pit of hell.

Like the most invincible venom
Poisoning ones veins
An uncontrollable fervor
Claws away
Tearing the walls from
Within ones womb.
A sabotage; an earthly lust.

Forget him not, the unborn
The one that never was.
Ones unintended, uncreated
Infallible joy.

A pain so striking
That numbs a beating heart,
Sucking the breath out of a body.
Jolting ones bones; the crisp, sharp
Sound of the spinal cord
Crumbling hopelessly into
A charcoal briquette.

Take ones broken shell
Shroud a body lifeless from suffering.
Conceal all recognition of oneself
And the impossibility of the unborn.
Ones love for you was honest, true,
Though the world deemed your life
A defect.

Release one from the hysteria.
Together, let us be joined in
Euphoria.
Remind me of the glorious light
The reverence of your power oh God.
Cradle me with the unfailing love
Of your promise. In deep absolution I pray;

Lay my unborn’s soul to rest.
Written by hanandherattitude February 2012.

Published in: on February 8, 2012 at 1:01 pm  Comments (1)  
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